I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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