Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I'm both gender and math confused
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