I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
