so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
