My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
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I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
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She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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