my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
