you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
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