she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
