No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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