my phone needs a breathalizer
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
