five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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