loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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