we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
