I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I checked into jail on foursquare
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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