ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
