i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
