Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
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I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
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