it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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