All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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