Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
