you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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