I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Randomize
