My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
