I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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