38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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