even my farts smell like vagina
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
