I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
