pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
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He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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