I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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