Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
