whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
