She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
