I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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