I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
