Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
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