Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
we have officially lost it.
u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
do herpes really smell.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
