She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
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he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
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he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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