Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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