never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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