Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
