I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
