if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Houston, we have a blender
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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