I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
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