guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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