i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
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