please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Randomize
