I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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