It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
