Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
