worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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