so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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