Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
