JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
