So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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