ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
