what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
you guys were way drunker than both of me
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
