My first STD was from a foam party
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
