Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
