My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
