Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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