I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
