Sponge bath it is.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
