If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
