11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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