Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
