I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Randomize
