I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
