look no pants
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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