how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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