I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Randomize
