If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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