A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
