just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
