So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I have fence marks all over my body
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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